Together (For Better or For Worse)

That John Donne’s poem Valediction: Forbidding Mourning and Judith Minty’s poem Conjoined present two different views of romantic relationships is not odd. Anyone even remotely in touch with the human race does not have to venture far to encounter varying opinions on love. Still, the degree of contrast in these two poems, from title to content, makes them two poems worthy of discussion. This contrast is obtained through, similes, metaphors, symbolizism, and inference.

There are some interesting differences that can be seen before reading the first line of either poem. For example, valediction—the title of Donne’s poem—is defined as a statement, speech, or letter of farewell. This already tells the reader that Donne’s is a poem of farewell, two parties leaving each other. Minty’s title, however, Conjoined, is an obvious reference to two or more things being joined together. A farewell and a joining, the contrast is already prepared. Another distinction is that the first poem is written by a man and the second is written by a woman. Nonetheless, the disparity becomes even more apparent when one starts reading the actual poems.

Valediction tenderly comforts the speaker's lover at their temporary parting, asking that they separate calmly and quietly, without tears or protests. This elevated state to which he ascribes his and Ann’s (John Donne’s wife) bond is contrasted with the love of “dull sublunary lovers,” meaning the love of ordinary lovers in most of society. This common love, “whose soul is sense,” cannot withstand absence, as physicality is the very thing upon which such immature love is cemented. By contrast, Donne declares that he and his wife share a “refined” love that is almost indefinable. It is “inter-assured of the mind,” which again points to an affection that is much more spiritual in nature than dependent on proximity of an individual’s beloved. Donne insists that he “care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.” His flesh doesn’t burn for his wife; his heart and mind do, and so does his soul.

As the poem continues, He reminds her that their two souls “are one.” This proclamation is again indicative of the divine connection the two share. And, again, flying in the face of the constraints of ordinary love that demands closeness and abhors absence, Donne makes another grand statement, urging his wife to “endure not yet / a breach, but an expansion, / like gold to airy thinness beat.” This statement calls to mind the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Donne is telling Ann that their love will grow to cover whatever physical distance separates them. The distance will not cause a rift in their love; rather, their devotion will actually increase in area as a result of the division. The reference to gold, a precious metal, furthers his view of their relationship as something precious, rare, and beautiful.

The last three stanzas of the poem contain one of Donne’s most famous metaphysical conceits (an extended metaphor or simile in which the poet compares two very unlike objects). He likens himself and his wife to the two feet of a mathematical compass. The compass in itself calls to mind sturdiness (because of its composition) as well as accuracy, precision, and certainty. It is also an instrument whose function depends on two parts working in tandem. Confidence and teamwork are the hallmarks of a mature love relationship--again a very different foundation than physically-dependent, immature loves. Fiery feeling alone will not accomplish anything; a mature relationship requires strength too. Ann, as the “fixed foot,” provides strength to Donne who, as the other foot that moves about, must roam far. He points out though, that it is Ann who “leans and hearkens” after him. This supports his claim that their love will expand to fill the space between them. Donne references Ann’s “firmness,” which reveals, again, his confidence in her feelings toward him. It is this firmness, he states, that “makes [his] circle just.” Circles are an image that symbolize not only perfection but infinity. The notion of the infinite, something that is without end, cements the notion of Donne’s elevated affection for his wife.

Conjoined, on the other hand, communicates a very different image of the marriage union. Agony over the joining of two people in marriage is the deep underlying theme. In fact, Minty's whole poem is one huge analogy of an unhappy marriage. In the very first line, the two onions only “joined by a transparent skin” are called a "monster." The skin is the joining of marriage of the two onions. The deformity of the two onions “each half-round, then flat and deformed \ where it pressed and grew together” demonstrates the adverse and unnatural affects of such a joining. Where the two onions come into contact with each other they have warped and deformed. This transparent skin has held and warped the two onions into the monster of one union.

The Chinese Siamese twins used are another example of the deformity of marriage. “Or like those freaks, Chang and Eng, twins \ joined at the chest by skin and muscle, doomed”. This line describes the agony and pain of being joined physically with someone. These twins go though life never alone with one moment of peace, their bond holding them back from things those unjoined can do. Such a permanent joining of two uniquely different beings drives the image of suffering into the mind, and again Minty points to what she believes to be the unnaturalness of the marriage union.

The deformed calf with the two heads from the result of a birth defect is yet another simlie for marriage. “An accident, like the two-headed calf rooted \in one body, fighting to suck at its mother’s teats;” implies that the joining of these two people was a fluke, an mistake, not guided by the destiny or fate that many like to attribute finding love to. This union was not supposed to happen, yet somehow it did, and as result a single, mutant soul has been created that is constantly fighting and the other in a quest for dominance and survival. Not exactly an example of the unselfishness that most say is inherent to marriage. The use of such a pitiful creature again seeks to dig out the feelings of remorse and pity.

The three examples of horrible unions lead into the third stanza where the real story of the unhappy marriage becomes known. The woman feels the man moving around in the house below her: “Do you feel the skin that binds us \ together as we move, heavy in this house?” They slink around on different levels of their home as if hiding from one another, but know exactly where the other is at all times. This shows that they are connected under the skin by their marriage just like the onion metaphor. They are unable to be separated just like the twins metaphor. “To sever the muscle could free one, \ but might kill the other.” Escape is out of the question as the couple is connected, and as Minty plainly says, “We cannot escape each other.” It is the logical conclusion and finalizes the whole assumption of this poem. The two becoming one in matrimony, forever joined now under the skin.